ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
