worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
