When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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