So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
