the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize