I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the day after is always just damage control
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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