Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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