were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
