oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The feeling are messing with the penis
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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