Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
