just come out here and I will go home with you...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
