I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
