Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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