He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
