if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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