i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
