lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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