Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
cat food counts as protein by the way
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize