At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
