Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
