you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
