just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
