i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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