I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
