so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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