A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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