how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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