he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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