Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
