That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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