i need an iv and a liver transplant
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Less talking, more tequila
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
