That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
