Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
