Who did Billy Mays play for?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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