I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
