Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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