6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
someone threw a dead crab at me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
