I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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