dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
