I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
