im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Mom said you looked used
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
