one two three fourrrrnication!
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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