I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
