The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
