Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
