grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
