did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
