Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
