My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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