So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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