I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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