do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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