I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
PANTIES FOUND
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