is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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