Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
