Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
