I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
