No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
