I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
