dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
