who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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