Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
