I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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