i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
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