Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
