Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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