Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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